Gasoline
by deadliving
Summary: Lumpy is given an assault vehicle, a fire fighting squad, and turpentine. Can't you guess what happens next? One-shot


**For those of you who know my inspirations, You will know this story.**

**Besides that, review!**

**Now, without further ado;**

**Lumpy's 'Gasoline'.**

Lumpy lay sprawled on his bed at the firehouse, lounging, not sleeping. It had been weeks since fire had erupted in Happy Tree Town. Disco Bear was sitting in the corner, flipping through a catalog of lingerie. The Mole was reading about Nuclear holocaust, seemingly understanding the words that he would never read. Toothy had some turpentine, egg yolk, and paint, originally planning to paint, now attempting to light a match. Handy was doing crunches in the corner, he seemed the most competent of the five lounging in the firehouse, despite his lack of arms.

A spark of red light freezes them instantly. All for lazily turn to see the siren on the wall beginning to whail, signalling a need for the fire-fighters. Lumpy grabs the phone, and rubs the sand from his eyes. "Hello?" He asks slowly, as if he assumes the person on the other side would respond in the same tone.

"Lumpy, it's Giggles. Cuddles is threatening to jump from a tower in the financial district!" Giggles screams panicked.

"How high is the tower?" Lumpy inquires.

"It's too high!"

"Why would he threaten suicide?"

"We were going to move to Amish country."

"Do you have a fresh jar of peanut butter ready for my arrival?"

" Ye-Wait, what does that have to do with Cuddles's suicide jump!?"

"I like Amish Peanut butter! Do you have any damn peanut butter!?"

"Yeah, I'll get some peanut butter..."

"Lard or Ham will suffice as well. I don't really have a problem with a martini either. Hold on, I'll get ice for the martini!" Lumpy hangs up the phone and rushes to the kitchen. Disco bear cocks his head to the right, a puzzled look on his face.

"So what happened, Lumpster?" Disco asks.

"Cuddles is going to jump and we're having a martini party!" He chirps happily, not realizing what he had just said. Handy leaps to his feet.

"We have to save Cuddles, it's our duty as firefighters!" He snaps at the others.

"But what does a suicide have to do with fire?" Lumpy asks. Toothy shakes his can of turpentine-paint-yolk cocktail.

"We can make it related to fire!" he snickers. The team nods and runs down stairs to the fire truck.

The fire truck was simple an aircraft carrier with wheels, a hose and pump system, and a ladder, painted red. Disco looks around the cabin. He, Toothy, Handy and The Mole were crammed in the back seats, while Lumpy drove in the front seat. Lumpy pulled the fog horn, and the craft began rolling. Lumpy put his hand on his chin, and thought_. Blow the foghorn, take the Engine out of Park, and-FLOOR IT BABY_! He smiles, grabs the steering wheel, and stamps on the gas. The Fire engine lurches forward and Lumpy smiles. The Massive wheels took up two entire lanes. The Engine rocketed just above the asphalt, taking out electric wires, stop signs, other cars, and pedestrians. Petunia stood on a bridge overlooking the highway. She sighs, enjoying the scenery, until something catches her attention. It was a red Air craft carrier on wheels. Before she could get a better look, it plows through the brigde, and splatters Petunia against the windshield. Lumpy smiled and let out a howl of laughter.

"Huh huh, someone got us a new paint job!" He laughs, red blood running down the windshield.

Toothy glances around, and finally whines, "Lumpy, don't you think we should slow down?"

Lumpy simply shoos him away with his hand. "Shut up, woman, I'm driving!". Toothy grits his teeth, indignant.

Mime was preforming in the street for Flaky and Nutty, who were clapping. He bows on his unicycle, and looks up to see the Fire engine speeding towards him at breakneck speed. He jumps on his unicycle, and begins motioning towards the sidewalk. Flaky and Nutty just shake their heads, confused by the silent deer. Mime begins pedaling away, and the two remain standing in the street. Nutty turns to see the gigantic looming ship, and both try to run. Flaky is caught by her quills on the axle, miraculously, not dead. Nutty, however, had been bifrocated, and was now keel-hauled.

Mime glances around after his legs finally give out on him. He breifly smiles from survivor's luck. The engine appears so quickly, the truck appeared, crushed Mime, and drove away. Flaky screams as Mime's blood dowses her in the red fluid. The quills securing her to the axle finally break, and she is sent into the wheels. Her quills pop the tire, and the vehicle is sent into a horizontal spin, much like that of a football (American, that is).

Pop walks along the sidewalk, with Cub puttering behind on his tricycle. Pop smiles and looks back at Cub and smiles. Cub returns the smile, and Pop turned back to light his pipe. The Engine crushes Cub, and the exhaust sets Pop on fire. Pop runs in circles, screaming for help.

Inside the cabin, the occupants acheived zero gravity, and was floating around. Lumpy remained firmly planted in his seat though, knocking away whoever bumped into his way. He didn't heeded the violent spin the Vehicle was in, just the speed. Outside the cabin, the front of the ship was coated in a thin layer of blood, Nutty's upper body, still keel-hauled, was flopping around at gravity's whim. The ship slid over a ramp and onto it's wheels, and Lumpy grabs the gear stck, and sets it to brake. Everyone besides Lumpy hits the window. The vehicle careens forward and everyone falls from the Engine onto the ground.

When Lumpy comes to, he glances around lethargically. Toothy was standing and pointed skyward. Lumpy followed Toothy's finger to a yellow speck standing at the top of a large office complex. Lumpy puts two and Two together. He got Fish. But he did realize he had crashed where they needed to be.

He gets to his feet, and begins barking commands. "Get that net out, we need it now!" The Mole and Toothy unravel the net and Disco,Handy (with his mouth),and Lumpy pull it taught.

Meanwhile, Cuddles is standing at the top of the building contemplating his jump."Its like that song, 'You listen to my songs in German, I'm back at your place fucking your girlfriend!' If I don't come with her, some Amish dude will take her away. That's it I'll jump and go with her. Even with no drugs. Or loud sex. Or Electricity. Or toiletries. But atleast I keep my life for now." He looks down and sees a mat, and Firefighter Lumpy motioning for him to jump. He holds his breath, and steps off the edge.

Handy smiles and thinks to himself _He's gonna make it!. _Suddenly, a gaping hole stretches across the tarp, and Cuddles splatters on the ground. Handy walks over to Giggles, sobbing over Cuddles's death. He bows his head. "We're all sorry for not saving Cuddles. We all express our greatest sympathy for your los-"

Lumpy shrieks by, spatting blood over the two. "Race you to the firehouse!"

**A oneshot obviously...**

**Just review, I spent a good amount of this day on this!**


End file.
